Leg kicks

I need a fix or ahm gonnae die
eyes drift open
and
already its
there that
horrible sick feel
crawling its way
up to my throat
the restlessness kicking
out from my knee
letting me know,
as this bully
holds me down,
but forces
me into
acknowledging
how subtlety and masterfully my life
is now owned
with nose running,
head spinning
leg kicking,
stomach churning
mind wondering,
aches throbbing and
gut contents looking
to escape through to
their pipes quicker
than i can handle

“is there anything
under my
mattress? how
short am I?
are my tools able?
last time it was barbed
pulling my skin
ripping and tugging
blood from there
reminding me what
a fool I been
if no good who
is near I can
get a hit from
i need that thin
one to mill
my hope from a mix
of smack and water
and abdine with heat
through a fag end filter
drawing death on
the instal-
ment
plan
I need a fix or ahm gonnae die

I need to move and get
up but the terror grab-
bing my mind freaking
me out and convincing
me i’m going to die bef-
ore i can even get thro-
ugh the door im boxed
in by this fear in every
cell within capturing a
moment dragged out to
an eternity as climbing
the walls im draggin up
my feet to my chest and
terror grabs my throat I
don’t know what to do i
need a fix now so i drag
one foot now out to the
floor and put it down as
i force the other to foll
ow through, im pushing
the edge of my box and
then it kicks in my mind
sees the image of a wee
paper wrap just under it
near to where my hope
is sure that its gonna be
over real soon i can get
out of this box and rush
the terror and gut pull
and leg kicks and nose
runs and head knocks
i need my lighter and
spoon and so very soon
im gonna be fixed able
to get oot a this box and
oot a this room and oot
intae thae streets to get
mair cash oot a whaur
ever ah cin so ahm able
tae avoid the fear creepin
up oan me again.

ah hate bein strung oot


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